Love is the Bridge Between You and Everything

Love is the bridge between you and everything. ~Rumi

On this Valentine’s Day, please recognize the love you hold in your heart for yourself, for life, for the beauty in and surrounding you, your family, friends, things you love, foods you love, places you love. It’s not always about a significant other but if you have one, of course, celebrate them too. However, love is more expansive and complex and is more meaningful if you hold the love and space for yourself and all that you love.

I do not have a significant other this V-Day and I’m actually good with that this year. Why? Because I do not define myself and my happiness around another person. Men are lovely and perhaps I’ll make room in my life one day soon for another beautiful soul but I’m in no hurry. I love me, my family, friends and my life. And that fills me up. I hope you have all the love you need within yourself and your life.

And if you are lonely, I’ll be your Valentine! Because I love you and I’ll always hold a space for you. Because you are worth it! ūüíč‚̧


For an update about the blog, click here.

Love and hugs!!  xoxo

Happy Pre-Thanksgiving

I hope you are having a happy day. Mine has been… a day. I allowed someone to hurt my feelings excruciatingly. I don’t think this person was meaning to be hurtful but nevertheless, it hurt. Besides, I’m more emotional around the holidays, so that really didn’t help.

And then, crazy me had to make one last trip to the grocery store for last minute items and to the liquor store for some much needed wine (not for the holiday but for ME!!!), and this sweet lady checking our items said she was happy to be working on Thanksgiving tomorrow because she recently lost one of her daughters, so now I’m ashamed of myself for having my feelings hurt. I nearly broke down crying in front of this lady but just breathed my way through it, telling myself to FOCUS on the credit card machine. Dry your eyes, Carol! Breathe!!! Do not break!!¬† That lady did not need my weepy nature. I didn’t want to cause her more sadness.

So now I’m home, guzzling the wine, snacking on what’s left (not much) of my 13 yr cheddar and making myself happy. I have much to be grateful for. I do not want to feel sappy – not for me, not for anyone else. I want to feel happy.

Do you have this problem? Are you over-emotional? Is it worse for you at the holidays?

Honestly, I am the most blessed person on the planet. I have a home. I have my two greatest loves and I get to see them every single day and I get to talk to them every day and kiss them.

So why can I not just be happy about all that? I mean, I am happy about that.

Why do I have to be missing someone? Why do I make it sad? I miss my dad more around the holidays. All the special days, ya know? And there are so many special days around the year, but birthdays and holidays get me every time. I’m so aware of the absence.

However, I will talk to my daddy in the morning while I’m cooking and cry if I need to and get that part done early, so perhaps around the time we’re ready to eat, I’ll have gotten it out of my system and can laugh and have a good time. And I’m sure alcohol couldn’t hurt. Really, I’m not a lush. I just sound like one.

And on to another subject, catching you up on the past two days of perks to meditating daily:

  1. Deep Relaxation
  2. Stress Response
  3. Einstein Brain
  4. More Motivation
  5. Peace Of Mind
  6. Endorphins (Cancer)
  7. Gene Expression
  8. Beat Addiction

If anyone needs for me to elaborate on any of these, just say so.

Not many days left to the meditating for 30 days and I’m sure most of you are glad as it seems not that many people are interested in the subject, but I am getting something out of it, although, honestly, I did not make time to meditate today. Or rather, I have not had time. We did the gym at o:dark:30, then home to nap for an hour, then go to work, then go grab groceries, wine and a late lunch/early supper, then home and my kiddo met me at home at the same time. Funny. She was actually behind us coming home. What are the odds? She got off just a little early. She had to catch up on some online homework so I thought I’d catch up on the blog. Gonna be a busy day tomorrow, so if I don’t make it online, have a good one.

Happy Thanksgiving of Friendsgiving! I hope your hearts are full of love and gratitude and your bellies full of good food. Enjoy.  xoxo

Plotting Along…

Hi y’all. As you know, I’ve attempted to be mostly off of social media for a bit. I’m still at that point but I may post to the blog a little more often than I have. I’ve had a few friends ask me about my blog and tell me they were missing it so I’ll schedule in time to post at least once every other week if not once a week. I must admit, I have missed speaking to you guys on a regular basis. I miss our engagement, our connection. Alas, the life of a writer is much a solitary one, and I admit to appreciating that also. Working from home is right up my alley, as I no longer have to deal with fake gossipy drama-mamas in the corporate setting. Thank You, Lord! Plus, it doesn’t hurt to love your job, working from home and the people you do work for.

Lately, I’ve been going through so many mood changes, and I’m presently experiencing a shift – hard to explain but I’ll try. The mood changes are mostly just a roller coaster of emotion, due to my daughter being a senior in high school, her being accepted to her college of choice, choosing her dorm roommate, planning her grad party and trip, her just turning 18. It’s exciting. It’s an adventure. It’s emotionally draining and bittersweet. As most of you know, Hallie and I have always been extremely close. Our nicknames for each other are Lorelai and Rory (you’ll understand if you’ve ever watched Gilmore Girls). And it sickens me to think of her moving to college next year and not living in this house – only to visit on weekends, holidays and summer break. I don’t even want to imagine what it’ll be like because I want to cry, and then, honestly, to throw up. I know I have to let go. I’m just not ready. It hurts my heart too much. I’m used to her going on trips for a week or two. I miss her, of course, but I take comfort in knowing she’ll be home, as I count down the days. Don’t misunderstand. I do have things on my ‘To Do’ list that I take pride in accomplishing while she’s gone and I do appreciate my alone time. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss my little love monkey. Maybe I can’t use the word “little” anymore, but she will always be my little one, my wee one, my baby, even after she’s 40. Thankfully, she doesn’t mind my nicknames for her. She has nicknames for me, too.  ūüėČ

The shift I’m undergoing is multi-faceted. I’ve been on a journey of exploration – not just for the self but being more mindful of others and taking in all of the possibilities for connection with others – looking out for like-minded people to associate myself with but also “trying” to be mindful of others in the sense that no matter their mood, I have to take into account they may be going through something I know nothing about. Such as the clerk at the grocery store or the clothing store we normally frequent. Many times, we think these people are there to serve us and be kind and high spirited while they do it. However, we must put ourselves in their shoes, if only for a moment. If we do this, we may consider that perhaps their grandpa that they were raised by just died, or they lost their best friend in a car accident, or it’s that horrid time of the month and they are in great pain. 

You never know what someone is going through. These people are not there to only serve us. We are here to serve them, as well. We can offer a smile, a kind word, something funny to say to maybe lift their spirits. If nothing else, we can offer our gentle understanding. They are just like us. They have to work to pay the bills. They have to work when they are sick because they have a child to feed and have to make the rent. I admit to sometimes being a harsh judge of people when they are hateful or rude and I have been rude as a retaliation. What sense does that make?! That’s easy. Why is it so easy to fight back with hardness and more difficult to reply with love and compassion? This is something I’ve been mindful of lately and I feel it’s changing me. Mind you, I do still have much work to do in this department, as I am still trying to rid myself of anger I strongly hold on to. I have no idea why I hang onto it.

Not only with others but within myself. I’ve always been my toughest critic, being more hard on myself and sabotaging myself rather than romancing myself, appreciating myself and my accomplishments. I tend to beat myself down over everything – every little thing. But lately, I’ve been watchful of my words, noticing how negative I tend to be on myself, trying to change the language I use. If it’s negative, I’m trying not to say it or change the wording I’d normally use. I’m trying to believe in myself, have faith in me and my abilities. I’m writing down all I’ve ever been good at, then and now, and everything I’ve accomplished. Turns out, I truly have been more of a success than a failure. Many of the things I’ve wanted to do and truly made an effort with have come to pass and I’m practicing daily gratitude for each of these things and in everything I have in my life that makes me thankful and happy.

Normally, I have resting-bitch-face – not because I’m feeling bitchy or depressed or irritable, but because I don’t think about how my face is resting. LOL! Often, I’m contemplating something and that’s how my face is – in contemplation mode, or I’m extremely tired because I walked the dog like 10 times during the night, got up at 4am to go to the gym, worked all day, worked on my book after that, had to go to a meeting or event after that and I’m feeling very DONE with the day.

Lately, I’m practicing mindfulness on the muscles in my face. I actually think I may have inherited my grandmother’s facial expressions. She even frowned in her sleep! I don’t want her facial expressions. So I’m focusing on a slight constant smile, just barely there, enough to lighten my forehead muscles. I’m focusing on every blessing I’ve been granted each day and I’m being actively thankful – meaning thanking the Lord daily, telling these special people how much I love them and how amazing they are, hugging and smooching and laughing at my silly dog, appreciating our home and land more, loving working from home and the jobs I do and the income to pay our bills and save for important things, appreciating going to a great gym and getting healthier, and just every special thing and person, even what may sound small to some – sometimes it’s the smallest blessings that make the biggest impact/difference, and I’m thankful for each one.

Another thing I’m trying to learn is to Let Go and Let God. Being a control freak, this is a hard one, but I’m learning little by little. I am letting go of things and people that no longer serve my life in a positive way. I actually just joined a group that I thought would strengthen my character and spirituality as well as offer friendship and connection but learned that group was not the answer so, after 2 meetings, I let that go. I no longer have space or time in my life for what does not assist me or help me grow in some way on my journey. Joining and leaving that group only helped to further teach me that lesson.

Another mood swing is the novel I’ve been working on since 2013. I cannot count the varied emotions I’ve been going through. I birthed this story with great enthusiasm and excitement, only to set it on a shelf because I had too many clients at different times, too many things going on and I did not have any further time to devote to it. I did have to pay the bills and that was more important. As time went on, I got better clients, bigger contracts, but didn’t want to face the book, because I let fear distract me – fear and lack of faith in myself.

So now, I’m happy to say that I am 95% finished with the book. I thought I was actually finished but am reworking chapter 6. I’m thinking I may even interweave it with chapter 5 or 7 or just leave it the smallest chapter in the book. I kept giving myself a deadline, which in many ways is helpful, while at the time was putting an obstacle in my path. The deadline was more stifling my writability and creativity than bolstering my motivation and ambition to get in touch with my muse. My muse heard DEADLINE and ran for cover! So I will work on my book daily, finish when I finish, revise, revise, revise, then query agents and publish. And then become a #1 New York Times bestselling author.

I am learning to have faith in myself. I am learning to trust myself, love myself, believe in my pursuits – my dreams – my goals. I’m learning to lift myself up to new heights and tell myself only good things and reaching, stretching for a higher plane of existence. There is nothing wrong in bettering myself. I have everything I have ever prayed for, except the one. And the one? It’s only a matter of divine timing, inspired action, and persistence.

What have you been up to lately? Share all your joys, your pursuits, your progress, your fears, your expectations, your news. I have missed you greatly and I only wish for you good things, always.

Love you!


(P.S. Oh, and that picture? I’m just dreaming of cool Fall weather, wishing for long-sock-wearing, gushy-sweater-wearing weather. Please, chilly Fall breezes – come to Mississippi?). And sorry for the very wordy post…

365 Thank You Letters – Day One


(WARNING: ¬†A couple of expletives are in this post, so beware… – I’m just bein’ real, people)

Call me crazy. I had an idea last night and thought oh, what a lovely idea to thank different people throughout my life who have helped me in some way (whether directly or indirectly), and post a thank you on my blog, so maybe they’ll see it, maybe they won’t, but I’m putting the energy and positive vibes out there so the thank you is out in the universe. And, if nothing else, it might help you to accept some things that are seemingly negative that have transpired in your life and maybe this will help you see it in a different light, because I believe everything does happen for a reason. I mean, of course, I cannot make sense out of a lot of things, which I won’t even bring up, because I don’t want to get depressed, nor get you down, so…

On with it.  Day One of my 365 Thank You Letters (via blog).

By the way, this is in no certain order of importance. One person is not more important than another, except everyone knows Mama and Hallie are my number 2 people in life.


Dear Sweet Beloved Heavenly Father (some of you may know him as God),

Hi. It’s me again. I’m sure you know me well from the many times per day I chat it up with you. I can imagine your eyes rolling from the many times I bug you about some of the stupidest, unimportant things I talk about. Or maybe you gently smile, just being happy to hear from me. I’m sure you’re not always happy, because you know this girl can go off and I always seem to direct my anger at you. Sorry about that. Again. Really, really sorry. You know I have anger issues. I’m trying to work on it. But it doesn’t take much sometimes to set me off. You don’t deserve the stuff I say. Again, sorry. Please forgive me. I’ll try to improve.


I also want to thank you again. For everything. Yes, even the bad stuff. Maybe it seems like bad stuff at the time but sometimes, even years later, it turns out to be a good thing. Like the break up with him, and him, and him, and all those hims. Thank. You. God!! ¬†I am sooooo blessed not to be with those guys anymore. Thank you for the friends I no longer have, too, because I realized what crappy friends they were. Self-serving, never encouraging, never supportive – just neglectful, selfish, angrier people than me. And that’s saying something. So thank you for even the bad stuff.

It seems when something negative is going on, my mind plays tricks on me and for some reason, I think everything is shit in my life, like all I have is bad, bad, bad, and I can’t focus on anything good. I’m really sorry about that. It’s only when I’m angry or depressed but I know my mind is being tricked, because it’s simply untrue. I have more good in my life than bad. I can’t say it’s always been that way (my life was pretty crappy before Hallie was born), but I certainly feel my life is better now than it ever was before. I have so many blessings, I cannot even count them all. No, we don’t have a ton of money and can’t afford to buy a newer car, but I can afford to put food on the table, clothes on our backs and our cars are running.That’s what’s important. And more importantly, we have each other. My girls and I are close, best friends, hang out often with each other and laugh and dance and sing and have such a great time together, we have homes, we have land, we have furbabies, we are healthy, have jobs and a good school, Hallie has a couple of sweet, good quality friends who care about her, and it doesn’t have to get better than that.


I won’t take up much of your time. I know there are peeps out there who need you more than I do right now. And I know you can do everything and be everywhere at once, but honestly, I’ll cut you a break and let you tend to more important events that need your strong attention. And with that, I’d like to pray for all those lost souls who desperately need you. They are full of hate, anger, piss and venom and there’s probably nothing anyone can say to give them peace. You know they struggle. You know the reasons. I know you love them. Be there for them, Father. Help them. Ease their pain and suffering. Give them comfort. Help their hearts feel love and joy and to know laughter and happiness. And hope and faith. Let them know there is hope. Let your angels whisper in their ears like they do in mine. I used to be that lost soul, Father, as you well remember. I know we are all weak. We all fall. And I pray we all come back to you before all our hope is lost.


Thank you for listening to me ramblin’ and for loving us and taking such good care of us and for your forgiveness, for the good stuff, the bad and the ugly, because it all helps build our character. I mean, I’m still here, even after I didn’t want to be here anymore. I am. And again, I ask you to use me as you have before. Use me however you wish. I belong to you forever. Even when sometimes I may not act like it, because I get pissed off for 20 minutes or an hour. I always come back, stumbling over my stupidity, but I come back. Thank you for having me, for never turning your back, even though sometimes I accused you of doing just that. I realize, at times, you have to feel a million miles away. I do know you have good reasons. I’m sure part of it is to test my faith. Wow, you’re really good at that. Seems I’m tested daily. Well, some weeks are better than others. Thank you for the good weeks. And I guess thanks for the bad ones, too, because they make me grow in different ways, building strength. I’m still here, so maybe I’m doing something right.

Anywho, I’ll close for now. You go help those peeps who need your shoulder, your ear, your gentle but firm hand. And most of all, your love.


I love you, Daddy. Thank you for always being the true Daddy I needed.

Love always and forever,


Fabulous Friday Eve!!


What a lovely, lovely day it has been so far. ¬†Was hard to wake up this morning, due to hanging out late with awesome friends we can’t get enough of (you know – those friends that you just never run out of things to talk about with and things to laugh at?) and didn’t get to bed till after 11pm, so imagine how hard it was to get up and get ready for work and get the kiddo up for school. ¬†Still, the sleepy/tired is worth it. ¬†I spent the majority of my day running errands trying to get ready for the holiday weekend. ¬†What holiday, you ask? ¬†Hallie’s Sweet 16. ¬†Perhaps it’s not a national holiday – YET, but it should be. ¬†haha! ¬†I’m sure you feel the same about your children or spouse or parent or someone in your life? ¬†Some of you know her and some of you know of her as much as I talk about her on here. ¬†That girl, oh! ¬†She’s my heart. ¬†So compassionate, mature, loving, forgiving, insightful, calm, level-headed, brilliant and hilarious. ¬†Wise, even. ¬†She’s always been wise. Just an all around great person. ¬†She and Mama are my best friends in the world. ¬†I know she’s changed me. ¬†My whole life is better because of her. ¬†She taught me how to forgive, you know? ¬†Well, I’m gushing. ¬†And I digress. ¬†I was talking about my day…

I set out on this day to be positive. ¬†I realize I don’t smile enough, so I was determined to smile more, to be and feel happy. ¬†Excited even. ¬†And I should be. ¬†With all my projects going on, I should be excited! ¬†So, I go to the post office and I don’t usually engage strangers in conversation, but figured well, that’s got to change with one of my upcoming projects, so I’ll just go ahead and start doing that right now. ¬†This sweet lady had a Yorkie in her car and I started a conversation with her about her 15 year old sweet adorable dog, named Katie. ¬†We must have talked for about 10 minutes. ¬†Well, that made my day.

I set out to be positive and only believe in positivity and positive people today, because I was on a mission. ¬†A mission to find more good people in a day than bad. ¬†Don’t you get fed up by always being faced off with negative people? ¬†They cut you off in traffic. ¬†They flip you off, curse you, give you a go to you know where look, are in a hateful awful mood and it seems to be directed at you. Even when it isn’t. ¬†I wanted different people today. ¬†Happy people. ¬†I wanted to see how much conversation and smiles I could get out of people. ¬†It was a great experiment.

So then I went to repair a beloved piece of jewelry that’s just been sitting there for several months, broken, and this jeweler fixed it for me on the spot! ¬†They told me it normally takes about a week but the lady asked the repair guy if he could solder it now since he was about to leave for the rest of the week AND HE DID!! ¬†Less than $20 to fix it but I would have paid more, because of their generosity and Johnny-on-the-spot-ness! ¬†While they were fixing it, I was talking with the two girls that were working and having told them where we were going this weekend, one lady told me about a special event that goes on there in October, so that was a nice tip and I came home to Google it to see if it’s going on this weekend. ¬†It actually doesn’t begin till the end of November, but oh well, there are 100’s of awesome things to do there.

I went to Kohl’s to buy a new pair of shades as mine were all scratched up and have been for months. ¬†I’m terrible when it comes to buying anything for myself but I finally broke down and bought this cute pair of sunglasses and they were ON SALE! ¬†The clearance tag said $10.50 but they were actually $8. ¬†Yes! ¬†I used to buy Ray-Bans but after losing a pair after our canoe tipped over and sat on the second pair, no more spending big money for shades. ¬†Nuh-uh. ¬†The lady at the check-out was super sweet and we spoke while I was checking out. ¬†I just love it when people are talkative. Don’t you? ¬†I wonder if part of it was the positive energy I was putting off. ¬†Maybe what we send out we really do get back? ¬†Hmmm. ¬†Something to think about.

Ran a couple of other errands and everyone was so helpful and kind, it actually blew my mind. ¬†Is it because I focus so much of my energy toward the negative Nellies? ¬†Those bad attitude dudes? ¬†I let their negative energy affect my mood and then I get bratty (sounds nicer than the word I actually become). ¬†Perhaps if I go out with the intention of smiling, talking to people, putting off good vibes, maybe, just maybe I’ll get them back. ¬†It’s definitely worth a try. ¬†Think I’ll try this again tomorrow. ¬†I’ll let you know how it goes.

So what am I thankful for today? ¬†Everything. ¬†Absolutely everything. ¬†I guess I’ll go get the kiddo from school in 30 minutes and then I guess I need to get some actual work done. ¬†Yeah, that would be good.

Y’all have an amazing fun and safe weekend. ¬†Go out there and smile more, engage people with conversation, smile while you talk, make eye contact (believe me, I know how scary THAT can be – there are some real creepers out there). ¬†I’ll bet you have more positive experiences than negative. ¬†Try it and let me know how it works out for you. ¬†You know what’s REALLY fun and fills you with immense satisfaction and joy?! ¬†When you’re going through the window or line at the coffee shop or even Mickey D’s, give the cashier $5 or $10 if you have it to spare. ¬†Tell the cashier you’d like to put that toward the next customer. ¬†I can’t begin to tell you how magical it’ll make you feel. ¬†We’ve been both on the receiving and giving ends of this ‘pay it forward’ fun-ness, and I think everyone should give it a try. ¬†Especially if you need a huge pick-me-up.

Love y’all! ¬†*big squishie hug* ¬†xoxo


(Photo courtesy of

Blessed, Even Though I Roll My Eyes

eye roll

Hmmm…¬† Another Thankful Thursday.¬† What should I be thankful for today?¬† This morning, my teenager was acting like a… well, a teenager.¬†¬†I don’t wake up grumpy.¬† I let her sleep in.¬† But only on the weekends when we don’t have to be somewhere.¬† Most of the time, we have to be somewhere.¬† She has good mornings.¬† She has bad mornings.¬† I guess¬†it’s that way for everyone.¬† I’m not a morning¬†person myself.¬† It was nice dropping her at school and saying goodbye to her for the entire¬†day, though.¬† I needed a break¬†from her.¬† She’s a rude dude with a bad attitude.¬† I roll my eyes¬†(where she can’t see) A LOT!¬†¬†I know I’m not fun all the time either.

So, back to my question.¬† What am I thankful for today?¬† Well, everything really.¬† I don’t like her attitude sometimes but I do love her, and like her the majority of the time.¬†¬† Thankful for working from home.¬† Thankful for jobs I absolutely love with clients I adore and respect.¬† Thankful for my mom who lives next door.¬† Thankful to have Hallie’s backup vehicle since mine is sick right now.¬† Thankful for our home.¬† Thankful to have land to run on with the dogs and plant gardens, even though I haven’t had time for that this year.¬† Thankful for our good health.¬† Her good school.¬† Being single/divorced.¬† It’s a great thing!!!¬† For family.¬† For friends.¬† For upcoming exciting projects.¬† For writing.¬† Even for stepping outside my comfort zone, which scares me to death but it’s good for me and good for my growth.¬† Thankful for courage and for faith.¬† And though I may get¬†irritated with God from time to time, I’m thankful for him and Jesus and all they have blessed our lives with.

So I’m thankful for a lot!

What are you thankful for?

Fighting to find Thankfulness


Okay, so here we go with Thankful Thursday again.¬† I actually found a lot this morning to be thankful for.¬† Then, I took my car to the shop since it’s been parked for about 2 months, because of a scratching sound, to find out I need a new drive shaft or something dealing with the back end of my car – I can’t repeat all the lingo.¬† $1100 to $1200.¬† I don’t have that money laying around.¬† I mean, honestly, I’m a divorced/single mom of a busy teen, paying for half of academy tuition (thank you, ex-hub), paying all the bills, etc. and now I have to come up with that.

Well, all the ex-friends of the family thing and all of that issue finally simmered down and is chill now.¬† Thank you, God.¬† Yes, I’m angry with You, but I’m still thanking You, because that was a rough situation for the fam.¬† Well, one family member in particular but when you mess with one, you mess with us all.

Now this.¬† So I brought the car back home.¬† Thank God that Hallie has a little 2-person truck we can use till I can save up enough to fix it.¬† It’s just one thing after the other.¬† So now I just want to cry.¬† I’m tired and I’m stressing and depressing and angry and sad.¬† Tears might make me feel better.¬† I’m out of wine.¬† *sniff*

Still, this is about being thankful.¬† So, even though I’m a bit irritated with God, I will exercise my thankfulness, because as we all know, it can be heaps worse, and if we look for the good in the situations, we can most assuredly find some positives.

I’m thankful¬†we can use Hallie’s truck to get her to school and home and¬†youth group¬†and everywhere else I need to get her off to.¬† I’m thankful we can use Mama’s car to go get groceries (she’s right next door).¬† I’m thankful we have a home and land and good school for Hallie to go to.¬† I’m thankful for our good health.¬† For people who are actually our friends and love us and defend us and the truth.¬† For Jesus.¬† For Hallie.¬† For Mama.¬† Friends.¬† Writing.¬† Working from home.¬† For living my dream (or part of my dream).¬† For all my dreams to be answered but one, which is a ton!¬† For having amazing, awesome clients, who I love and adore and I love the work I do, which doesn’t even feel like work.¬† I know I’m blessed.

So now I realize how much I have instead of how much I don’t.¬† I need to focus on all the good.¬† Being ever mindful.¬† I lost it for a moment.¬† I forgot myself.¬† Forgot my tons of blessings God has showered us with.¬† So I’m good now.¬† I suppose next time when I feel the need to vent, I’ll write down every good thing I can find about my life, ’cause then maybe I won’t feel like venting.¬† I’ll be filled up with goodness and thankfulness and appreciation and love and adoration for all He has overflowed my cup with.

Thank You, Father!¬† You are the biggest blessing of all.¬† Your love for me – for us.¬† I know you love us.¬† I feel it in my soul.¬† Thank you for all these reminders and more.¬† Oh, and sorry for stressing and depressing.¬† I still might cry just to get this tension out of my muscles if you don’t mind but I’m better now.¬† Never stop your whispers.¬† Sorry for being angry with you.¬† I know you give me more good than bad.¬† Thanks for all of it.¬† The good and the bad.¬† You use it all.¬† I love you, too.

Okay, so what are you thankful for today?  Or for this past week, so far?


(Photo courtesy of

Thankfulness Poem


Thankful Thursday week 2 and a poem…


Thank the Lord for Mama and my babe

For the sunrise each beautiful day

For our good health and our comfort zones

For the dream come true of work from home

Sweet Jesus and the angels above

For fun clients and work that I love

Sweet furballs that give our cheeks a lick

That backup truck when my car gets sick

The house in the country —¬†can run free

America, though it’s not like it used to be

For a few freedoms in how we live

If we face our fears and take that risk

Abilities to accomplish dreams

I am thankful for all of these things


What are you thankful for?¬† In rhyme, or not.¬† ūüôā


(Photo courtesy of


Thankful Thursday – Week 1 – I LOVE YOU & I Think You’re Awesome!


I haven’t made a lot of time for blogging lately but I feel the need to at least do little snippets of blog posts so I thought Hump Day Haiku would be fun, quick and perhaps engaging with those of you who might want to play along.

And I guess Thursday will be for Thankfulness.

Trying to learn to be more mindful in each day, in each moment (something new I’m trying to teach myself) made me realize I want to be thankful in each moment, in each breath I take, with every beautiful thing I see and feel and experience.¬† Like the sky this morning.¬† It was an awesome sight!¬† Hauntingly romantic foggy mornings as the trees and flowers are beginning to wake from their slumber.¬† The way the sky is illuminated with shades of purple, pink and orange when the sun is slowly descending in the west.¬† The musical tones of the laughter that spills out of my beautiful daughter and adorable mother.¬† A sweet smile from a kind stranger as he passes by and the infectious giggles from those little kids over there talking about something just between them.

So much beauty and charm surrounds us on a daily basis but so many of us don’t see it.¬† We don’t notice.¬† We don’t pay attention.¬† We’ve learned to tune so much out.¬† Have you noticed?¬† You might be so completely surprised how your mood might be changed just by engaging with someone, have a conversation, smile at someone, allow someone with less groceries than you to go in front of you, say hello.¬† This not only benefits those around you as your positive energy resonates outward onto others, but this benefits you, as well.¬† One good feeling deserves another.¬† Keep that going and you are going to feel AMAZING at the end of your day.

Take time to be thankful to the one who created you and your life.¬† I actually sort of think we planned it all out with The Big Man before we came down here.¬† That’s another blog post but I think we chose our family, certain experiences we’d have — all in the spirit of strengthening our souls, we had things we wanted to learn, we wanted to build our character, we wanted to test ourselves, we wanted to grow our spirits.¬† Might not make sense, I don’t know.¬† It’s something I’ve felt since I was little.

Many bad things happen in our lives and we make mistakes, perhaps we have regrets.¬† I’ve screwed up a TON!¬† But, honestly, I only have one regret in my entire life.¬† I didn’t make up with my daddy after we’d had a disagreement and I’m so bad at holding grudges.¬† He’d moved on and was over it but I wasn’t.¬† I wanted to punish him by staying mad.

And then he died.

My daddy died so suddenly and unexpected and I’m afraid I’ll never completely heal from this.¬† Oh, I know he visits often and he’s forgiven me and that’s cool and everything.¬† I know he loves me and I’m forgiven but it’s not the same, you know?¬† I’ll never have that moment back to say I’m sorry to his face or at least make things happy again between us and not be angry with him before our last goodbye.

Another reason to be mindful.

So today, and every day, I am thankful.¬† I am thankful most of all for those I love and hold closest to my heart.¬† My answer to a life-long prayer = my daughter, who is also my best friend.¬† My mom, who has always loved me, even when I wasn’t loveable, who never left me, and whom I’m so proud of.¬† I’ve watched her grow soooo much over the years into the wonderful person she is today.¬† Mama, I could not be more proud of the lady you’ve become.¬† She’s also my best friend.

I’m thankful for so many things, and I don’t have all day long to list them all, and you don’t have all day to sit and read and I don’t want to cause you to fall asleep at your monitor so I’ll leave you with this — be thankful.¬† Not just for everything you have in your life, but especially for those people in your life that mean the most to you.¬† Always be happy with them before you say goodbye or good night, because it might be your last chance to ever see or speak to them again.¬† Speak to them with love.¬† Treat them with love.¬† Be sure in your soul they know you love them and they bring you happiness.¬† You’ll be so blessed by this and so will they.

What/who are you thankful for?

Another thing… I love you guys!¬† *smooches*



(Photo courtesy of

Finding Middle Ground

only God I swore I wouldn’t open my laptop today. ¬†I worked yesterday from 2am till 9pm. ¬†Yes. ¬†I work from home and while working from home sounds like a dream come true, it can wear a person slap out. ¬†Oh, by the way, it is a dream come true — the working from home part. ¬†It’s not always easy but when you have bills to pay and you need to put food on the table and pay school tuition, you work your fingers to the bone taking on as much work as you need to pay those bills and buy food. ¬†I opened the ole laptop because I figured maybe if I just set a timer to write this and then get on with what I intend to do today, it’s all good (I refuse to work today). ¬†I wanted to share something with you in the small chance it might help you see things a little differently or maybe more clearly.

I’ve been fighting a war with myself lately. ¬†I’ve been so tired from working. ¬†I’ve been so angry, so resentful, so tired of struggling. ¬†I seem to focus on the negative — all the bad stuff. ¬†I believe that we get back whatever we put out, yet I’ve not been acting like I believe it. ¬†I believe that God and Jesus are there protecting us, loving us and listening to us, as well as answering our prayers (in His time, not ours) but I’ve not been acting like I believe it. ¬†I love to write and be creative, yet I’ve been focusing all my energy into other things — work, mostly.

I spent most of my childhood and teen years quiet. ¬†No one cared what I had to say. ¬†No one listened and always interrupted or just told me to shut up. ¬†I wasn’t important or really wanted. ¬†I’m not trying to gain sympathy or blame my parents at all. ¬†I believe it was part of God’s plan, so it’s all good. ¬†Besides, I had an awesome blessing called Mrs. Jones in 5th grade at Lamar Elementary that listened and heard all I had to say and had faith in my abilities.

I used to feel hate and anger about my childhood but once I learned to love that inner child, and I do love her (sometimes, I just need to remind myself I love her), I became somewhat healed, not of everything but healed enough to forgive and understand. ¬†I forgave my parents. ¬†People give what they have and many don’t have as much to give as maybe others do. ¬†Some are weaker than others. ¬†Some don’t know how to let go of their past nor of their anger and resentment. ¬†I forgave myself for not having a voice. ¬†I forgave myself for my weakness and for harboring so much hate in my soul. ¬†Not for just my parents but for other people who took advantage of me and hurt my heart and mind. ¬†One thing no one can ever hurt is my soul. ¬†That is untouchable. ¬†It is mine and it is God’s. ¬†It is God’s, because He gave it to me and I have promised it to Him. ¬†I may not always act so loving toward him as I get angry with him often but he knows I love him and he’s mine. ¬†It’s a tough father/daughter relationship at times. ¬†He and I both understand why.

After reaching adulthood, I joined the Air Force (firstly, it was an attempt to escape my life and a situation) and learned I had a voice. ¬†I had to find my voice. ¬†Then, I learned to use it. ¬†Once I found it, Lord help! ¬†I let loose. ¬†I told everyone what for. ¬†I gave everyone a piece of my mind. ¬†If there was something to say or I felt someone needed to hear something, I didn’t think about any repercussions. ¬†I didn’t think of hurt feelings. ¬†I didn’t care if it meant they might hate me or be pissed off. ¬†I was gonna tell ’em and I felt I was providing a service. ¬†They were better for hearing it. ¬†I was better for getting it off my chest. ¬†Yeah, I found my voice alright. ¬†It was a very loud and obnoxious one. ¬†It’s been pretty loud and obnoxious ever since.

I find, as I am 46 (yes, I don’t care how old I am — it’s just a number), I’m finally growing up. ¬†Or starting to. ¬†I swore I’d never grow up. ¬†I wanted to be a kid forever. ¬†I suppose, in some ways, I will always be a kid (I don’t fit in with most adults, as it seems most of them have lost their childlike essence, except for one or two). ¬†My teenage daughter includes me. ¬†She thinks I’m fun and cool for some reason, although I have no idea why. ¬†Her friends include me. ¬†It’s as if I’m one of the group. ¬†Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. ¬†Don’t misunderstand. ¬†I do not dress like a teen or let my kid or her friends do inappropriate things. ¬†If anything, I’m way overprotective and a strong disciplinarian (just ask Hallie — she tells me alllllll the time), but I also let some things go. ¬†Pick your battles (does this really matter?). ¬†And I love fiercely. ¬†I will kill for my kid and mom. ¬†Yes, I will kill.

But I digress.

I’ve realized, especially lately, as I’ve been doing a bit of soul searching (actually, I’ve been soul searching probably forever) and I’ve come to see that I need to find a middle ground. ¬†I went from never speaking up (crawling) to overspeaking and loudly so (running) and never found that place in the middle. ¬†I need to learn to walk. ¬†I need to learn to find my peaceful place, my calm, my inner sanctum. ¬†I need to learn to hold my tongue instead of giving someone a tongue lashing and thrashing whenever I feel the need to speak my friggin’ mind. ¬†I know it’s cliche but I’d like to treat others the way I want to be treated. ¬†I do believe we get back what we dish out.

I have let anger, frustration, struggle, depression and resentment run my life lately. ¬†I have been working way overtime just to pay the bills and instead of being thankful I work from home and can be there for my daughter, I’ve been stressing because of all the hours I have to put in just to pay a bill or two. ¬†I haven’t been able to focus on the bigger picture. ¬†I am allowed the opportunity to work from home. ¬†Besides the birth of my daughter, that’s been one of my biggest dreams/goals. ¬†And I have it! ¬†I’ve been resentful that I haven’t had time to blog every day and more resentful that I haven’t had much time for writing. ¬†I had big plans to clean up my book, move some things around, revise and get it ready for the next step, which is finishing it during NaNoWriMo. ¬†That’s another huge goal.

I guess I’m just now really seeing this because I had a horrible client. ¬†She was actually quite crazy. ¬†She was a public figure and she thought herself a sort of god. ¬†She was powerful with way too much power — so much power that it overpowered everyone around her. ¬†You know that energy people put off that overtakes you and you can’t get away from it? ¬†You’re trapped with nowhere to go? ¬†There’s nothing you can say to this person because they are so over-sure of themselves and you are simply nothing to them. ¬†Working with her gave me heart palpitations. ¬†It made me cry, made me stress, made me depressed, anxious, nervous and she talked down to me, so it made me feel worthless. ¬†I was physically sick. ¬†I’d worked for attorneys for over 20 years and they never treated me so indignant nor stressed me as much as she did and I only worked for her for a few weeks. ¬†Ya know what I did? ¬†I quit. ¬†I ran just as hard and fast as I could. ¬†I blocked her on my phone and on my email. ¬†Oh, I made sure she had all the information she needed to know the status of everything and she had everything she needed, so I didn’t leave without making sure those loose ends were tied up. ¬†Since she felt the need for long, drawn out phone and Skype conferences regarding daily status — she was always up to date on everything anyway.

Feeling that energy from her has made me look at myself.  Do I put off that kind of energy?  Probably not as bad as all that but I know I have been putting off a lot of negative energy.

Instead of being angry at a person for their meanness, rudeness, their crazy, I will smother them. ¬†With love. ¬†I will look at them as if I’m looking at myself in the mirror. ¬†We are all weak at times in our lives. ¬†We all have bad things happen to us. ¬†We are all faced with crazy people, bad people, evil people. ¬†Maybe something bad happened in their lives — something worse than what happened to us (not to compare but there is always someone else worse off than we are) and they need our kindness rather than a harsh word or angry eyes or negative energy. ¬†I don’t have to be their best friend but I can speak and act with love. ¬†Sometimes, it’s enough. ¬†Sometimes, it’s just what they needed. ¬†And it’s always what we need.

I will send out love.  I will act with love.  I will speak in love.  And it will come back to me.  And I will meet it in the middle.