Contemplating Decisions in Writing

Here I go again.

I’ve reached the point of being about 96% finished with this YA fantasy/fiction book 1 of 3 or 4. A lot to still work out and I’ve been questioning myself about this book and another. I keep going back and forth. I don’t know if it’s resistance to finishing what I’ve almost finished. I don’t know if it’s because I’m already revising while I’m writing which always messes me up. I don’t know if it’s because this other book may be needed more – a book on living a better life, the many ways we can heal ourselves from the wounds we seem to inflict upon ourselves for no good reason, because we haven’t learned to love ourselves – and how to love ourselves and STOP self-sabotage. I know I could write it well as I’m a lifelong sufferer of depression and self-sabotage and am just getting the point of loving myself – truly liking and loving myself. Better late than never.

I look at the world and I see all these attacks on people and I have to sit and cry. I actually try to steer clear of the news because I fall into this sickness, a deep depression, because these killers are insane and need help and these poor innocent victims – I just can’t begin to imagine the pain they suffer – the ones who actually live through these horrific tragedies.

I ask myself why does the world need another book of YA fiction. How does this help the world? How does this serve anyone? I mean, honestly, the book or books I write are for you. So what would serve you the most? Do you really need just another book that’s fantasy (a means of escaping reality) or do you need healing? Do you need to learn to love yourself and enjoy life more and on a deeper level? Do you need to learn how to forgive and find ways of serving others? Do you need to see life differently, in a more positive light, to find the good in yourself and in others? Do you need tools and examples and truths and steps how you can master your life and overcome all your self-defeating obstacles? I ask you. You, readers, what would benefit you the most?

I’ve been praying and praying and asking for a sign which way I should go. I’m trying to listen and haven’t received anything yet, one way more than another. I don’t know if it’s wrong to ask for a sign but guidance is a sign, right? Lord, show me guidance, PLEASE?! Soooo confused…

This is not about asking you what I should do. This is about asking you what you would rather read – what would serve you the most.

Please comment me letting me know which you’d rather read, which would serve you the most and why, or simply participate in the poll if you don’t have time to leave a comment.

Get Out of Your Own Way

hiding

Why do you think it is nearly impossible for us to take a risk?  I mean, for those of us who are so talented at procrastination, we’ve turned it into an art form.  Why is it, do you think, we get stuck in going forward, stop trying something new, get blocked with our art — our creativity?  Is it fear?  Is it just fear?  Fear of what?

Is it fear of feeling not good enough?  Are we comparing ourselves to the greats who have accomplished their art forms and are highly successful and how can we possibly measure up?  Do we lack the courage to not only put ourselves out there but hide behind that shield of obscurity because we lack the courage in our abilities, and lack of courage in our very selves?

Were we told as children we’ll never measure up?  Or did we come to that conclusion on our own?

We’ll never be great.  We’re not good enough.  We’re not smart enough.  We lack talent.  Are these things we were told?  Or what we’ve told ourselves?

I know these feelings well.  These words were told to me, taught to me, drilled into my head — but not just by others — by me, to me.  Let me tell you one truth that I am completely 100% certain of and it has taken me decades to learn…

These are lies.

These are lies told to us by others who do not truly know us at our core, and probably don’t even know themselves.  Be it jealousy for whatever reason or better yet I believe it’s their own insecurity as a human being and the need for them to try to place their weakness and lack of courage and littleness onto us.  It’s what angry people do.  Perhaps they didn’t even mean to do this to us, because anger and insecurity and any weakness blinds you to the truth, blinds you to love, blinds you to having anything good in your life.  It destroys you from within and then destroys all of your relationships.  Or theirs.  Or perhaps this is your problem, as well?  Do you project your weakness and insecurity onto others?  Do you notice that you might do this?  Or do you hold it all inside and keep it for yourself?

These are lies we tell ourselves because of fear and lack of self-confidence, lack of faith in ourselves, perhaps lack of faith in a higher power.  It’s lack of many things.  We resist self-improvement, risking exposure, putting our heart into something and then fearing it being wrecked and torn apart, and then feeling left with nothing.

And don’t even go down the road of comparing yourself to others.  You were placed on this earth to be you.  You are an expert at being you and not one other person on the entire planet can do it as well as you can.  You have your own talents and gifts and qualities that no one else measures up to.  We all do.  We are all unique.  And only you can tell your story or do your art in the way only you can.  You are not like another soul on this Earth.  Do what you love in your own special way.  You are not to be compared to anyone, and no one else can be compared to you.  You are special.  No one can take that away from you.  KNOW it.  OWN it.

The time to stop all this self-sabotage is now.

I know, you think, ‘I’ll try later.  Not today.  I have many other important things to do besides work on myself, work on my relationships, work on my art.  I’m busy.  I got stuff.’  Listen.

Really listen.

You have this one life.

You have this one chance to get it right.  I’m not too certain we get another chance to try again.  Oh, sure I have dreams of past lives, experience deja vu, have dreams of future lives, but it’s possible they could only be dreams and this is all we get.  This is our chance.

Why do you think you were born?  God put these purposes into your heart for a reason.  Why do you think he did that?  For you to sit around and wait for it to happen?  Wait for a specific moment in time?  Waiting for it to fall into your lap?  Ain’t gonna happen, my friend.  There are times we should wait for things, time to be still, time to listen, time to rest, time to pray, time to meditate and there are times we need to take action.  We have to move our asses to get what we want in life.  I’m telling you the truth here.  If you want something, get after it and get after it NOW!

Do you realize at what speed this life is passing you by?  Stop waiting on tomorrow.  Stop waiting for something else to happen first.  If you want it badly enough, you have to make it happen.  Believe me, tomorrow will be here soon enough.  And the next day.  And the next.  Then, you are 85 wondering what happened to your life.  Why didn’t you try?  Why didn’t you go after it?  If you tried once, why didn’t you try again?  And again?  Please don’t give in to resistance.  Don’t give into your fear.  Work through it.  Your fear may never fade.  That feeling of insecurity may never go away completely.  But would you rather live with fear, insecurity and the fact that you made your goals and dreams a reality?  Or would you rather just live with fear and insecurity and the wondering of what could have happened if you tried?  And kept trying?

Enjoying the sun

Can you imagine how much happier you’d be if you got what you went after?  What you worked for?  Can you visualize it?   Picture it in your mind.  No, don’t picture the negatives of success.  If you look for the negative, you’ll find it in everything.  I’m asking you to believe in the possibilities, the positive possibilities.  You are a possibility.  Your dreams are, too.  I believe in me and I believe in you.  Time to believe in yourself.  Time to take action today.  Today.  And then again tomorrow.  And every day after that.  Don’t let fear stand in your way of getting what you want out of this life.  It’s time to get out of your own way.  Baby steps.

What fears are standing in your way and are you willing to fight them?

What gives your life meaning — what makes you happy now?  What would give your life more meaning?

What is the one baby step you could take today to get you closer to your main goal?

 

Photos courtesy of:

thejoshuacollective.com

beyondthedream.co.uk