Contemplating Decisions in Writing

Here I go again.

I’ve reached the point of being about 96% finished with this YA fantasy/fiction book 1 of 3 or 4. A lot to still work out and I’ve been questioning myself about this book and another. I keep going back and forth. I don’t know if it’s resistance to finishing what I’ve almost finished. I don’t know if it’s because I’m already revising while I’m writing which always messes me up. I don’t know if it’s because this other book may be needed more – a book on living a better life, the many ways we can heal ourselves from the wounds we seem to inflict upon ourselves for no good reason, because we haven’t learned to love ourselves – and how to love ourselves and STOP self-sabotage. I know I could write it well as I’m a lifelong sufferer of depression and self-sabotage and am just getting the point of loving myself – truly liking and loving myself. Better late than never.

I look at the world and I see all these attacks on people and I have to sit and cry. I actually try to steer clear of the news because I fall into this sickness, a deep depression, because these killers are insane and need help and these poor innocent victims – I just can’t begin to imagine the pain they suffer – the ones who actually live through these horrific tragedies.

I ask myself why does the world need another book of YA fiction. How does this help the world? How does this serve anyone? I mean, honestly, the book or books I write are for you. So what would serve you the most? Do you really need just another book that’s fantasy (a means of escaping reality) or do you need healing? Do you need to learn to love yourself and enjoy life more and on a deeper level? Do you need to learn how to forgive and find ways of serving others? Do you need to see life differently, in a more positive light, to find the good in yourself and in others? Do you need tools and examples and truths and steps how you can master your life and overcome all your self-defeating obstacles? I ask you. You, readers, what would benefit you the most?

I’ve been praying and praying and asking for a sign which way I should go. I’m trying to listen and haven’t received anything yet, one way more than another. I don’t know if it’s wrong to ask for a sign but guidance is a sign, right? Lord, show me guidance, PLEASE?! Soooo confused…

This is not about asking you what I should do. This is about asking you what you would rather read – what would serve you the most.

Please comment me letting me know which you’d rather read, which would serve you the most and why, or simply participate in the poll if you don’t have time to leave a comment.

Be Still and Grow

I bid you good morning. It’s another melancholy morning over here. Was planning on going to Aunt Sallie’s funeral but Mama was sick all night so I will take her to the doctor this morning after she gets a little rest, if she’ll let me. She’s pretty stubborn. Love you anyway, Mama. So sad to miss Aunt Sallie’s funeral. I know she knows we wanted to be there and she knows we’ll miss her. Love you, Aunt Sallie.

So, today’s post will be a tad shorter. Is anyone reading this? Is this helping anyone? I have no idea but I’ll continue with it anyway, I guess.

More benefits to meditation:

  1. Strengthens immunity.
  2. Fight or flight. Remember this one? How The “Fight Or Flight” Response Triggers Anxiety – The problem is, evolution has hard-wired our DNA to physiologically react in stressful situations — our heart races, our breathing becomes shallow, our blood vessels clinch up, our pupils dilate, our muscles tighten, all in preparation to either fight or flee. The good news is that your body has a built-in stress-defense mechanism — it’s called the parasympathetic nervous system. Your ability to stay anxiety-free is directly tied to activating this often elusive system each and every day. Then, what’s the best way to wake up this sleeping giant? Meditation.
  3. Runners high.  A 1995 study (Harte et al) published in the Biological Psychology Journal, tested the neuro-chemical release of two groups — 11 elite runners and 12 highly trained meditators — after running and meditation, respectively. What did they find? As the scientists suspected, both groups had boosted their endorphin levels. No surprises there.
  4. We are all one. The shift in consciousness achieved through meditation naturally makes you aware of the highest and perhaps most easily forgotten universal law — We Are All One.

Ya know, I honestly wonder how much more peaceful the world would be if we all meditated and got back to this universal truth. Can you imagine? I think the whole world would benefit if we started teaching and practicing meditation in schools. Then, perhaps it would become a daily routine for everyone for the rest of their lives and we could live a more peaceful existence, with ourselves and with each other. A girl can dream…

FYI, some of this research comes from the EOC Institute, though I have several sources for research.

And some of you, I know, think meditation is new age. It’s actually an ancient practice. The activity of meditation appeared in very ancient times. Historians located early cases in Ancient India 10,000 BC. The practice developed in Ancient Greece (which knew the non-marital meditator as a proxenetas). Then in Roman civilization. (Roman law, starting from Justinian’s Digest of 530–533 CE) recognized meditation.

Just thought you ought to know.  🙂

Have a lovely day! ~Hugs~

-Carol xoxo

Good Vibrations

Top o’ the marnin to ya! (trying to sound Irish, with my probably 10% Irish blood).

Hope y’all are havin’ a lovely weekend (with my true southern twang).

Welcome to day 5 of the Meditation Challenge! How’s it working for you, so far? Are you finding a little peace? Is it easier than you thought it would be? Or is it driving you to INSANITY AND BEYOND?!

It seems I’ve gone GIF happy. I cannot stop myself. Is it the meditation that’s making you crazy? Or is it me?

Well, let’s get to it, shall we?

Oh, wait!

For those of you wondering about Hallie, she made it safely to Tennessee. She had a wonderful time catching up with her beloved friend and she left early this morning, heading home.

Miss that little love monkey but I’ve had a nice weekend getting my roots done (I don’t think I’ll ever embrace my grays so I try to keep it the dark blonde I had before the grays starting showing up), shopping with my mom (although she’s not been feeling great for the last week, poor babe). She’s better today, thankfully.

A beloved member of our family passed away yesterday – Aunt Sallie. She had not been well for some time. She was always a sweet and funny lady. Sleep well, Aunt Sallie (1928-2017). We love you, we’ll miss you and we’ll see you soon.


Now, I suppose I’ll get to the meditation portion of today’s post –

At first, when I started meditating, I would lay on the couch, and at the time, I started meditation because I had just quit working for a devil of a woman I used to call my client. Working from home since around 2011, I’ve had various clients and sometimes more than one client. Well, she was the absolute worst. She made me physically sick. That’s bad stress and I could not contain my tears, my nerves were a wreck – shaking and stomach issues – I was so tired of letting this person continuously damage me physically, mentally, and emotionally, so I QUIT!!! I just could not deal. Now, I had over 20 years of working for attorneys, before starting to work from home, and they were perfect angels compared to her. That’s saying something!! I was so exhausted that when I tried meditating, I was out like a light. Less than 2 minutes and I was gone. That’s when I learned laying down during meditation was not a good thing.

Sometimes, I’d go sit in my tree swing – this canvas setup that has a footrest and I can lean back, put my arms on the armrests, put a drink in the cup holder, flip the headrest out of my way and just gaze upward at the tree. I have always LOVED trees. For me, trees and rain and mountains (nature) connect me more strongly to God than anything else. The tree is so strong and beautiful and resilient and loving. It shelters me. I feel like it’s holding me in its arms when I sit in that swing, as if my loving Father is holding me. I feel protected and safe.

I still sit in that swing a good bit to reconnect with that peace. It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. And when I want an actual stay-awake meditation, I sit in my office chair, with my back supported and my head free. I have fallen asleep in my tree swing on many occasions.

More benefits from daily meditation:

      1. Whole brain synchronization – this occurs when the various parts of your brain begin to work together, resonating at the same frequencies and causing neural pathways to fire more rapidly. The left and right sides of your brain begin to work in concert with each other. Electrical activity and energy patterns in your brain become more widespread throughout the brain instead of remaining confined to certain areas. Your brain reaches extraordinary levels of performance.
      2. Quiets mind chatter.
      3. Stress less. Reduces stress or helps you to stress less.
      4. Spiritual awakening.It’s quite possible that you are now undergoing, or might soon undergo a “spiritual awakening”? Like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon, once your inner transformation to a higher level of consciousness is complete, likely benefits:• A bulletproof sense of inner peace.
        • True happiness, no matter the circumstances in your life.
        • Feeling at one with everyone & everything.
        • Unconditional love for all living beings.
        • Finding your true self and your true path.
        • A worry/stress/anxiety free natural existence.
        • A very fulfilled, meaningful life.
        • Deep healing of mind, body, and spirit.
        • A permanent higher shift in consciousness & understanding.


  1. Let me know how it’s working for you. It may take a few weeks before you reach any of these benefits. I actually did start to feel a shift with my first meditation, but probably due to an overwhelming need for peace at that moment, before I completely lost my everlivin’ mind, thanks to that biotch I worked for (trying to curb my language so I could be a WHOLE lot worse here – I’m developing better habits and one includes STOP cussing like a sailor).

At times, sitting there “trying” to meditate made me angry because I simply could not relax, plus the meditations I was listening to were poorly done – walking was recorded in the background, the person offering guidance either misspoke or the person editing the meditation did not listen to it and pasted parts together that did not match – and I kick myself for buying that stupid package. However, I did get a little out of it, so it’s fine. I just won’t buy anything else of hers. And why buy anything meditation related? There are so many free options out there, it doesn’t make sense to buy anything. Take it from me – Save your money. Do the free stuff.

If you don’t like the other mediations I’ve posted, here’s another. You keep thinking she’s gonna talk forever but she doesn’t, so stick with it. It lasts appr. 21 minutes.

Have a fab rest of your weekend. Let me know how the meditations are working for you.

Love and hugs,

-Carol xoxo

Meditation is Your New Medication

Day 4 – Is there anybody out there? Got me singin’ Pink Floyd this morning. That’s always a good thing. Love me some Floyd. I guess I’m feeling a bit melancholy this morning. My babe is off on an adventure – a road trip without me. The girl knows I live for road trips, but it’s not the road trip I’m missing, obviously.

It’s only for the weekend, I keep telling myself. But it’s the longest road trip she’s ever taken and I’m missing her already. I know I shouldn’t worry. I’m not that worried because I do know that God has her in the palm of his hand, as he always does. I just miss her. I’d better get used to it because she starts college in a few months so she won’t be living here anymore except during holidays and summers.

Still, I guess it’s always normal to miss your best friend – your wee one, even though she’s not so wee anymore. She’ll always be my wee one. My other best friend and I will be spending part of the weekend together – Mama. They are the best two loves of my life – those girls. We’re three peas in a pod.

I guess I’ll get to today’s post on meditation.

How’s it going for you? Is it difficult for you to be still? Difficult to focus on your breath or the meditation? Hard to steady your mind? Oh, let me tell you, I thought I’d never get it. As you may know, I’m seriously ADD. Ask several people who have known me well and they’ll tell you how hard it is for me to be still. I have to be moving some part of me all the time – it’s usually my leg crossed over the other and kicking my foot back and forth. If I can’t swing my leg, I’m tapping my fingers (this drives Mama and Hallie BONKERS!!). So if it’s hard to sit still, just give it time. If I can get there (which I have, but only during meditation – so far), anybody can get there.

It takes a while before you can still your mind, also. Thoughts still come up for me, or I’ll daydream. I am an expert daydreamer. I’ve been a daydreamer my whole life – I even got in trouble in school for doing this – it’s on just about every report card: “Carol needs to stop daydreaming and start paying attention in class.”

“Well, Mrs. Teachers, if you were more inspired and not so boring and have just the tiniest amount of excitement about teaching, and if I didn’t already know this stuff, maybe I’d actually pay attention.”

Actually, my daydreaming was partly that but mostly it was my escape from life because I had a miserable childhood and daydreaming adventures could take me away from all that.

Ah, I digress.

So, more benefits to meditating?

  1. Promotes faster healing.
  2. Boosts learning ability.
  3. Beats depression.
  4. Builds inner silence.

I could use all of those perks. How about you?

Want to try out another meditation I found? Some of them can be seriously long, but this one is only about 5-ish minutes. Who doesn’t have 5 minutes?! Especially for those who have short attention spans (like me!!) or are new to meditation and need to start with baby steps – can be a good starting point. I like this short med but I find it stops abruptly like maybe the music should have faded out instead of IIIIRK, it’s over.

Let me know what you think about this meditation and how it worked for you. Also, let me know what you think of meditation, in general, so far. It’s only the beginning. As with any new action or learning experience, it gets easier and better with practice. The more time you spend in meditation daily, the easier and better life seems to become, for me at least. How much I’ve missed! I could have been in this place so much earlier.

Have a groovilicious day! Love ya!

-Carol xoxo

Day 3 – Stillness

Happy day! I hope you’re having a lovely day.

Today, I’m speaking on stillness. It’s about steadying your body, as well as your mind. The brain is alive and it’s only natural to have ongoing thought patterns not only consciously, but subconsciously. There is no way to clear 100% of the chatter, or else, well… you’d be dead. Even in sleep, our brain/mind stays busy, whether we remember the dreams or not. Simply focus on your breath if your mind strays. It will stray. Just bring it back to your breath or make up a mantra, like the word “Still”. Feel free to observe the thought as if a passing train, and then let it pass.

During meditation, you must find a quiet space, sitting up, preferably, with your head free. You can lean against something like a chair or wall or what have you but lying down is not a great idea, as you may fall asleep. Rest is great and everything but if you want to gain the positive aspects of meditation, you must stay awake to reap the benefits.

You want it to be a still, quiet place. If you’re on the floor, use soft pillows or a comfy mat. I prefer using my home office chair. It has a head rest but I don’t use that. I actually prefer 100% quiet, though the Chopra and Oprah meditations have music in them. I get more out of the quiet, because I can hear nature. I soooo relax more when I can hear the birds chirping, the frogs croaking in the rain, the crickets (if I’m meditating in the evening), the rain falling, the breeze blowing – you get the idea.

I think the best time of day to meditate is first thing in the morning. I find it’s a great way to start my day.

First, I give thanks for all our many blessings and praise the Lord for all his love, mercy, forgiveness and generous nature. I even thank him for what seems bad, only because I’ve learned there are valuable nuggets of wisdom and learning in those situations. I don’t always get the lesson in the moment but I usually do later, sometimes much later – like years later –  😛  but at least I eventually get it, and that’s what matters. It’s growth. It’s the “bad” stuff that makes me appreciate the “good” stuff even more.

Second, I start my coffee, and after Hallie has left for school or while she’s still asleep (if it’s early or the weekend) and go sit in my chair and get in my 20ish minutes of meditation. Right now, I’m doing the Deepak Chopra and Oprah meditations, as I spoke about earlier. I also like the Android App Mindfulness Meditations for Presence and Peace by Diviniti Publishing Ltd (fyi, I receive no money from anyone for advertising – I try to be helpful for free). I listen to the Mindfulness for Releasing Anxiety Free version, which is 23 minutes.

More benefits you’ll receive from meditation:

  1. Meditation can relieve pain.
  2. It helps you in harnessing Neurogenesis (change the adult brain through meditation). Wikipedia defines it as” Neurogenesis is the process of birth of neurons wherein neurons are generated from neural stem cells. Contrary to popular belief, neurogenesis continuously occurs in specific regions in the adult brain.
  3. Cure anxiety – I could use that! How ’bout you?
  4. Lucid dreaming – Wikipedia says a lucid dream is a dream during which the dreamer is aware of dreaming. During lucid dreaming, the dreamer may be able to exert some degree of control over the dream characters, narrative, and environment. How cool would this be?! I don’t believe I’ve ever had a lucid dream. I hope to very soon, though.

More to come tomorrow. Let me know how it’s going for you. What’s your method? What are you listening to, if you are listening to anything? Also, please let me know if you have any questions. Always happy to help a friend out.  🙂

Y’all have an amazing day! Hugs!

-Carol xoxo

Let’s Call it Day 2 of the Meditation Challenge?

I’m only saying that because it’s Nov 2 and it’ll be easier to go with the day. Don’t ya think? I’ll double up one day so we can get at least 30 days mixed up into these next 29 days of November.

So welcome to day 2 of the new meditation journey or challenge or whatever you want to call it. The fact that you are taking part in this means that you care about your mental health.  It also means that you care about your physical health, emotional health, spiritual health, because I am here to share with you that meditation helps you in each of these areas.

If I had known the many benefits meditation had to offer, I would have started this years ago. In fact, I suppose I did actually “try” to meditate and I could blame it on not being able to find the ‘right’ meditation for me, or the ‘right’ music, or in the ‘right’ frame of mind. I actually believe – the truth, if I want to be honest here – is that I am very ADD. I always have been.

It wasn’t until I purchased a meditation course that MADE me choose to do the meditation. At first, I got so much out of it, but then the person guiding the meditations, along with her staff, started to annoy me greatly, so once I finished the 32 or 33 day course, I stopped using it. I still got enough out of those 33 days that I wanted to look for ways to continue this practice. I started researching meditation and the different forms and the many benefits and it really turned a light on for me.

If you are anything like me, and I know many of you out there are probably just as much ADD as I am, and very busy, you don’t want to add just one more thing to your already too long daily To Do list. But please believe me when I say you cannot afford not to invest your time in some form of meditation. Each day for the next 29 days, I will include several benefits where meditation can help you better your life. It’ll probably be difficult for you to believe at first, because we are fighters.

We fight tooth and nail not to do things that might change us. Oh, sure, we say we want to better ourselves, we want to live at a higher vibration but most of us want to stay stuck in our old story because it’s what we know. We’re good at it. New stuff? Well, it scares us, so we push it away. Or we don’t know about it and that scares us, so we say no way, it’s not for me.

Well, this challenge is for those of you/us that are choosing to be better, to feel better, to learn how to deal with daily stresses and depressions in a healthier way. There really is a better way to live. And you don’t need money to do it. You don’t have to purchase a meditation package. There are so many freebies out there. Just google meditation videos on youtube. Look for the ones that sound interesting, the ones that have the most views, or listen to it for 5 minutes and see if it’s for you. I will try to list some to help you out.

On to some of the benefits:

  1. It slows aging. Sounds crazy but it’s true. There is scientific evidence of this. Don’t take my word for it. Google it. Research it.
  2. It can help you overcome OCD.
  3. It assists you in learning to control your anger. This is HUGE for me! I have anger issues, okay? I actually think that behaviors can be genetic (not blaming anyone else – I own this), so this is something I must have gotten in the genes from my bio-father, and this is a behavior I work on. Every. Single. Day. And, honestly, I already feel less angry, partly because I will not allow myself to swear. Oh, yes, I can cuss like a sailor but I am attempting to mature into healthier habits and that includes my vocabulary, as well as getting my anger under control.
  4. And last (for today), but not least, meditation fills you with positive energy. We could all use more of that. Am I right?

One little tidbit – if you want to join in this 21-day meditation series that is free, Deepak Chopra and Oprah (hey! that rhymes!  😛  ) are putting on a series right now. I’m on day 4. Check out the link and if you have any problems, let me know. You will receive instructions when you sign up for the series. If you don’t, let me know and I can explain how to sit, etc.

Let me know what you think. If you don’t like this particular meditation, I’ll most likely post a different link tomorrow. All you need is about 20ish minutes of quiet stillness.

Hope y’all are having a great day or evening! Love you!

Carol xoxo