Where is My Inner Peace?! I Can’t Find it Anywhere!

Good evening, dear ones. I trust you had a lovely day. Mine was just a bit strange.

Not sure what it is but my mind was just not into it today. I could not concentrate or focus to save my life. I had a lot of numbers work today and all the numbers I was looking at were jumping all over the page as if they were taking on a life of their own.

Seriously, is that what it’s like to be dyslexic? Do your numbers and letters jump around? I’m not sure what that was but I was so glad when my workday ended. I took an hour nap after that. I don’t care for my eyes to play tricks on me like that. Not fun.

Do you have days like that where your brain will just not compute and try as you may to focus, your brain will just not allow it? I hate it.

Anywho, not sure if I feel better yet but I made myself work anyway. And resting in the bed, mostly, ever since. I’m sure I’ll be better tomorrow. I guess my stomach does actually feel better. Just exhausted, physically and mentally. I know a ton of people have had the flu lately. I don’t think that is my prob, thankfully.

I’m kind of bummed because I had all these plans to clean and organize and then work on my book but that, like yesterday, got stomped. Oh well, tomorrow’s another day. It’s only 8pm and I’m ready to call it a night. How pitiful is that?! Maybe I need the rest. I have so much I need to do, though! Ugh. I feel so lazy and lacking any accomplishment today.

On to more benefits to meditating daily (before I fall asleep):

  1. Less Cortisol
  2. Stop Alzheimer’s, Dementia
  3. Better Than Hypnosis
  4. Balance Chakras

That was probably the best part of my day – the meditation, as it helped me to slow down my mind a little. Just a little. I didn’t exactly quiet my mind in meditation today – that’s super hard for me. After that, I exhausted myself with my mind going at what seems a million miles an hour. What’s that about?! I thought meditation was supposed to help steady my mind, not speed the thing up?! I just feel crazy today. Hoping tomorrow is much better. I feel like my brain and body ran a friggin’ marathon today. I’m tellin’ ya, I am weird. Is it the meditation that’s making me crazy?!

Oh, and my brain has come up with things I forgot I needed to do, so now I feel the need to add about 50 more things to my already too long To-Do list.

Kill. Me.

Do y’all have insane days like this?

I suppose I can say that I do have more days lately where I can focus better – just not today – and I’m sleeping deeper, which is saying a lot. I’m such a light sleeper, usually, that I can hear when a cat or other creature is walking in the grass outside my bedroom window. I live in the country so we get plenty of wild animals. Lately, though, sleep has been better, deeper, and I’m starting to remember some creative dreams, which is super cool. Not sure if that’s the meditation or not, but I’ll take it.

Have you been meditating at all? What’s it like for you? Are you experiencing benefits or is it making you crazy?

Contemplating Decisions in Writing

Here I go again.

I’ve reached the point of being about 96% finished with this YA fantasy/fiction book 1 of 3 or 4. A lot to still work out and I’ve been questioning myself about this book and another. I keep going back and forth. I don’t know if it’s resistance to finishing what I’ve almost finished. I don’t know if it’s because I’m already revising while I’m writing which always messes me up. I don’t know if it’s because this other book may be needed more – a book on living a better life, the many ways we can heal ourselves from the wounds we seem to inflict upon ourselves for no good reason, because we haven’t learned to love ourselves – and how to love ourselves and STOP self-sabotage. I know I could write it well as I’m a lifelong sufferer of depression and self-sabotage and am just getting the point of loving myself – truly liking and loving myself. Better late than never.

I look at the world and I see all these attacks on people and I have to sit and cry. I actually try to steer clear of the news because I fall into this sickness, a deep depression, because these killers are insane and need help and these poor innocent victims – I just can’t begin to imagine the pain they suffer – the ones who actually live through these horrific tragedies.

I ask myself why does the world need another book of YA fiction. How does this help the world? How does this serve anyone? I mean, honestly, the book or books I write are for you. So what would serve you the most? Do you really need just another book that’s fantasy (a means of escaping reality) or do you need healing? Do you need to learn to love yourself and enjoy life more and on a deeper level? Do you need to learn how to forgive and find ways of serving others? Do you need to see life differently, in a more positive light, to find the good in yourself and in others? Do you need tools and examples and truths and steps how you can master your life and overcome all your self-defeating obstacles? I ask you. You, readers, what would benefit you the most?

I’ve been praying and praying and asking for a sign which way I should go. I’m trying to listen and haven’t received anything yet, one way more than another. I don’t know if it’s wrong to ask for a sign but guidance is a sign, right? Lord, show me guidance, PLEASE?! Soooo confused…

This is not about asking you what I should do. This is about asking you what you would rather read – what would serve you the most.

Please comment me letting me know which you’d rather read, which would serve you the most and why, or simply participate in the poll if you don’t have time to leave a comment.


I’m thinking of starting a Random Acts of Kindness/Pass it On Club bloggy thing.  A club that’s filled with like-minded folks that want to be love and send love out into the world, helping others while helping ourselves, because when you help others, it heals your heart.  Each kind thing we do for another is healing for us.  We are healed by healing others.

This would be open for all people to read as well as post, whether you are a blogger or not.  All you have to have is an idea that might help another.  Not sure how to open it for all to post on their own so until I figure that out, I guess I’d set those up as guest posts but you’d not be considered a guest, you’d be considered a member of the team, just like me.  I’ll just consider myself a member and moderator since I won’t allow mean people to post (since we know there is a lot of ugly out there).

Maybe I’m rambling.  Maybe I’m a dreamer and completely unrealistic and my brain is still living in Kindergarten but how many of you out there would join me on my quest?

We could post ideas of how to help others.  We could post what we did to help another just so it might inspire another to do the same or spark an idea of what they could do.  Any ideas?  Thoughts?  Help?  Names?