Reflection and Contemplation

contemplation and quote

Been reflecting lately. That’s why the blog has been quiet. No one seems to be interested in this juicing and modified juicing challenge, so I’m offing it early. Hearing some God whispers. May take the blog in a new direction.

Cursed still in progress

Cursed series is still a #wip but my heart is saying the world does not need a book right now on a magical clan, vampires, and dragons, etc. So putting it on hold for a few weeks… Yes, I will get back to it eventually.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love

In the song of Ms. Stacey Kent, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love.” Starting with self-love. It’s time for us to reclaim ourselves. It’s time to stop self-defeating behaviors and stop feeling lost.

Do you feel lost? Feel unlovable? Feeling unworthy of good things? Are you often feeling unhappy and like you’re just going through the motions, like a robot – even though you have blessings in your life? So then you feel guilty about not feeling happy?

I think I’ve already found step 1 in the journey and I shocked myself when I found it. Wanna know what it is? Can you guess?

Join me on this journey to self-love, forgiveness, and compassion

If you want to follow me on this journey, follow my Facebook writer page since that’s where all the posts will be, starting in the coming days, Facebook videos and live feeds (OMG – I can’t believe I’m doing this – talk about OUT of my comfort zone!!!). Some things will be on the blog, some on Instagram, but most will probably be on the Facebook page.

#love #forgiveness #loving #compassion #friends #connect #connection

#self #service #selflove #sad #lonely #alone  #bliss #joy #happy

#happiness #lost

#found #listen #positivity #positive #confused

Living the Adventure to Completion


Buried deep within the caves

The recesses of my mind

Taken there by worn tired weathered leather

And antique sheets wrapped with twine



Past the echoes and whispers

Through the dark twisted figures

Evermore deeper still toward the dark

Torment and fear churn and shiver



Not turning to whence I came

Facing the struggle and climb

Promise beckoning me adventure on

Completing the trek is mine

the end


Fear Can Kiss My Rear

no fear

I realize I’m a day late with my haiku this week.  Was a c-rAZY day yesterday!  2 interviews and they were back to back and I tend to get carried away when talking to people, so it went longer than 2 hours.  I’m just lucky I got home before 2pm.  Had a great time talking with these lovely people and looking forward to posting the new YouTube vid this weekend!  It’ll be a little different than the last one.  Learning as I go…

Anywho, without further ado…

I felt so much fear
God told me to get in gear
Fear can kiss my rear

Yup!  Fear can most definitely kiss my big ole rump!  I’m tired of giving him the upper hand.  It’s time to take my life back.  Whether I fear that thing or not, I’m gonna do that thing anyway!

If y’all have a haiku you’d like to share, please do!  It can be one reflecting your week or just about any old thing.  Excited to hear what you come with.

And if you happen to check out my YouTube video (1st ever), please give me some tips on how you think I can make it better.  I need all the help I can get.  Just Google “meaningoflifeinitiative youtube” or click here.

Thanks!  Love yooze guys!!  (smooches)

(Photo courtesy of Pinterest)

Get Out of Your Own Way


Why do you think it is nearly impossible for us to take a risk?  I mean, for those of us who are so talented at procrastination, we’ve turned it into an art form.  Why is it, do you think, we get stuck in going forward, stop trying something new, get blocked with our art — our creativity?  Is it fear?  Is it just fear?  Fear of what?

Is it fear of feeling not good enough?  Are we comparing ourselves to the greats who have accomplished their art forms and are highly successful and how can we possibly measure up?  Do we lack the courage to not only put ourselves out there but hide behind that shield of obscurity because we lack the courage in our abilities, and lack of courage in our very selves?

Were we told as children we’ll never measure up?  Or did we come to that conclusion on our own?

We’ll never be great.  We’re not good enough.  We’re not smart enough.  We lack talent.  Are these things we were told?  Or what we’ve told ourselves?

I know these feelings well.  These words were told to me, taught to me, drilled into my head — but not just by others — by me, to me.  Let me tell you one truth that I am completely 100% certain of and it has taken me decades to learn…

These are lies.

These are lies told to us by others who do not truly know us at our core, and probably don’t even know themselves.  Be it jealousy for whatever reason or better yet I believe it’s their own insecurity as a human being and the need for them to try to place their weakness and lack of courage and littleness onto us.  It’s what angry people do.  Perhaps they didn’t even mean to do this to us, because anger and insecurity and any weakness blinds you to the truth, blinds you to love, blinds you to having anything good in your life.  It destroys you from within and then destroys all of your relationships.  Or theirs.  Or perhaps this is your problem, as well?  Do you project your weakness and insecurity onto others?  Do you notice that you might do this?  Or do you hold it all inside and keep it for yourself?

These are lies we tell ourselves because of fear and lack of self-confidence, lack of faith in ourselves, perhaps lack of faith in a higher power.  It’s lack of many things.  We resist self-improvement, risking exposure, putting our heart into something and then fearing it being wrecked and torn apart, and then feeling left with nothing.

And don’t even go down the road of comparing yourself to others.  You were placed on this earth to be you.  You are an expert at being you and not one other person on the entire planet can do it as well as you can.  You have your own talents and gifts and qualities that no one else measures up to.  We all do.  We are all unique.  And only you can tell your story or do your art in the way only you can.  You are not like another soul on this Earth.  Do what you love in your own special way.  You are not to be compared to anyone, and no one else can be compared to you.  You are special.  No one can take that away from you.  KNOW it.  OWN it.

The time to stop all this self-sabotage is now.

I know, you think, ‘I’ll try later.  Not today.  I have many other important things to do besides work on myself, work on my relationships, work on my art.  I’m busy.  I got stuff.’  Listen.

Really listen.

You have this one life.

You have this one chance to get it right.  I’m not too certain we get another chance to try again.  Oh, sure I have dreams of past lives, experience deja vu, have dreams of future lives, but it’s possible they could only be dreams and this is all we get.  This is our chance.

Why do you think you were born?  God put these purposes into your heart for a reason.  Why do you think he did that?  For you to sit around and wait for it to happen?  Wait for a specific moment in time?  Waiting for it to fall into your lap?  Ain’t gonna happen, my friend.  There are times we should wait for things, time to be still, time to listen, time to rest, time to pray, time to meditate and there are times we need to take action.  We have to move our asses to get what we want in life.  I’m telling you the truth here.  If you want something, get after it and get after it NOW!

Do you realize at what speed this life is passing you by?  Stop waiting on tomorrow.  Stop waiting for something else to happen first.  If you want it badly enough, you have to make it happen.  Believe me, tomorrow will be here soon enough.  And the next day.  And the next.  Then, you are 85 wondering what happened to your life.  Why didn’t you try?  Why didn’t you go after it?  If you tried once, why didn’t you try again?  And again?  Please don’t give in to resistance.  Don’t give into your fear.  Work through it.  Your fear may never fade.  That feeling of insecurity may never go away completely.  But would you rather live with fear, insecurity and the fact that you made your goals and dreams a reality?  Or would you rather just live with fear and insecurity and the wondering of what could have happened if you tried?  And kept trying?

Enjoying the sun

Can you imagine how much happier you’d be if you got what you went after?  What you worked for?  Can you visualize it?   Picture it in your mind.  No, don’t picture the negatives of success.  If you look for the negative, you’ll find it in everything.  I’m asking you to believe in the possibilities, the positive possibilities.  You are a possibility.  Your dreams are, too.  I believe in me and I believe in you.  Time to believe in yourself.  Time to take action today.  Today.  And then again tomorrow.  And every day after that.  Don’t let fear stand in your way of getting what you want out of this life.  It’s time to get out of your own way.  Baby steps.

What fears are standing in your way and are you willing to fight them?

What gives your life meaning — what makes you happy now?  What would give your life more meaning?

What is the one baby step you could take today to get you closer to your main goal?


Photos courtesy of:

Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone

Okay, so several of you have asked for a Facebook fanpage?  I’ve put it off this long because, well, as you know, I’m extremely introverted unless I’ve had a little liquid courage and even then… well, no, I guess I become more extroverted when I been drankin’, but anyway…

I’ve done it.  I’ve started a fan page.  My palms are sweaty.  My heart is racing and I may have returns on my breakfast.  The Lord has been testing me lately and asking me to step outside my comfort zone.  I must stand up to and face the fear, make eye contact with him and say, “We got this.”  *hands trembling*

Not sure what to do with said fan page as of yet.  I will simply do what I’ve been doing, set up my posts, challenge myself, participate (yes, I said it) and try to update the status of how the books are progressing.

Any questions?  Comments?  Let ‘er rip!

Expecting Miracles Manifesto

I don’t usually post twice on the same prompt but I had this stuck in my head this morning…

If you don’t know what prompt I’m talking about, check out The Daily Post’s Weekly Writing Challenge prompt, Manifesto.

Okay, so many of you that know me know that, at times, I have a love/hate relationship with God.  Okay, hate might be too strong a word.  Let me try anger.  Yes, a love/anger relationship.


Today is going to be different.  Queue Manifesto:

Expecting Miracles Manifesto





Today, I will not anger.


I will not cuss.  No matter if that dude cuts me off in traffic.  I will not allow road rage to invade my brain nor trash my mouth.  I will not curse.  I will not utilize rude hand gestures.  The most I will do is flap my tongue at him in frustration as if Ms. “Ouiser” in Steel Magnolias.  Remember when the bird pooped on her head?  Because let’s face it, most of us cannot just grin and wave happily at someone who just wronged us.  But I will not cuss.

melt I will practice faith.  This means I refuse to let worry take me over.  I will not doubt God.  I will KNOW he is listening and he is gonna take care of everything today.  Even though my car a/c isn’t working and my car is making a funny sound, I will be glad in the fact that my car runs and gets us to where we need to go and home again.

crutch I know my daughter will have an awesome day.  I know it will be more amazing than yesterday, wherein she will not feel the need to take somebody out with a crutch to the head, because she is armed and dangerous.  She’s packing.  Two crutches, so she has a backup.  I know they will not mess with her in a rude and hateful fashion and instead, be helpful and kind as students who attend a Christian school are supposed to act.  I believe.  She will have a wonderful day.

smile I will grin and bear it no matter what.  They say ‘fake it till ya make it.’  Not sure who they are but I’ll try it.  They say the more you smile and are happy, even if it’s not real, it will eventually become real and then all of a sudden, POOF! you realize you really are happy.  I’ll try that.  I will be silly and goofy also.  This always helps.  Yes, not only will I help those around me laugh.  I will laugh at myself.  Because I can.

moon I will find beauty in the day.  Like how sometimes the moon hangs overhead during the day in the clear blue sky.  I think it looks other worldly.  So cool.  No matter how hot it gets or what things may go wrong… I will look for the good, only the good and the beauty.



I will think positive and be positive and remain mindful of being positive.  I will not let fear to enter my mind.  I will not doubt.  (Please see faith above).  I will expect miracles.  Good things will happen.  Yes they will.  Yes they will.  Yes they will.  Say yes.  Yayess!!

I will step outside my comfort zone.  That would be a miracle right there.  I did step a little out of the zone.  I finally posted a pic of me on my about page yesterday.  I like being behind the camera, not ever in front of it.  I do not like photos of myself.  So, see?  I can step outside my comfort zone.  It’s working already.

Wow, it really is working.  It’s still morning and my daughter just texted me with, “you were right.”  They are being nice today?!  Nice!  Keeping those crutches vertical.  My mom texted me with happiness from work, so it’s a good day for her, too.

I will believe in myself.  Not only faith in God and other people but in myself.  I will stop the resistance.  I will stop the self-sabotage and I will have faith in me, in my writing, in my goals and dreams.  I am smart.  I am creative.  I am capable of greatness.  I am.

Today, I will let go and let God.  I will let him deal with all our issues today.  I will do what I need to do and get it done.  I will work on my contracts, get the work done and do it well.  I will put in time to write and work on my book.  It’s going to be an amazing day.  I’m expecting miracles.

Good things are happening today.

Where Is God? Where Did He Go?

questionDon’t misunderstand.  Many miracles have been performed in my short life so I know God has shown up.  I have much to be thankful for and I’ve been showered with blessings — my daughter, my mother, true friends, our homes, our land, the vehicles we drive, different interesting and fun jobs, the ability to work from home so I can raise my child, forgiveness, love and laughter — just to name a few.  But as many struggles take place in our lives, I suppose our faith (or lack of) is tested.

I realize we weren’t promised a rose garden.  We were warned this life wouldn’t be an easy one.  We are asked to believe in God and in Jesus and what Jesus did and still does for us.  I believe all that without question.  Miracles have transpired to cause me to believe in God.  I’ve never questioned Jesus.  I have a great love for him.  And it’s not that I don’t love God.  I do.

A friend brought up some relevant questions concerning God that have me questioning his intentions.  Actually, I had already been questioning.  While I understand we are not supposed to question God and we do not have the capability of ever understanding his reasons or intentions of why he does what, isn’t it the human condition to question when it comes to things that are so tragic and impossible to understand?  I mean, it’s in our nature to want to understand, right?

We are expected to have blind faith, to rely on God, to trust in him and not to worry.  We are not to worry about tomorrow because it’s not here yet.  But what about today?

What about the person who lost their home because they didn’t have enough money to pay their mortgage?  And they didn’t have any family they could stay with until they got back up on their feet?

What about the homeless man that’s too far away from a shelter or food pantry to eat or sleep?

What about these horrific acts of terrorism that abruptly and senselessly steal the lives of hundreds and even thousands of people (men, women, children, infants)?  How are we to make sense of this?

How are we to send our tiny innocent children to school when a crazy person might show up and change our lives forever, breaking us, tearing away pieces of our soul?  We are not supposed to live in fear because exhibiting doubt, worry and fear is to not fully trust and have faith in God?  How can we not live in fear when all this is going on around us?  Our God is bigger?  Bigger than we can understand?  Bigger than all these tragedies?

We are supposed to pray and petition God daily.  We are to put our faith and trust and reliance in him to take care of us and to answer our prayers.  All we have to do is ask and trust and believe.  That’s what the Bible tells us.  But the Bible was written by man, yes?  By several different men, in fact.  It’s been translated so many times, has it not been twisted to distort or even completely eradicate the truth?  Some words and meanings in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek (the original texts) do not even have correct English translation.  Just something to think about.

I read Matthew 7:7 (NIV) all the time:  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”  As well as Matthew 21:22:  “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”  And Mark 11:24:  “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”  While I realize when we ask God for something (and yes, I know he’s not Santa), his answer to a prayer can be no, don’t these verses say “it will be given to you?”  And I know that it’s in his time, not mine.  I’m glad he waited on some of the answers he’s delivered.  Sometimes, he’s been lightning fast to answer, which I’m also happy with, thank You, God, by the way.

What about the other stuff?  How are we to make sense of these things that make no sense?  God has a reason for everything.  I understand that.  But what are we to do with that?  How do we get out of bed in the morning when we know what could be potentially waiting just outside that door?  How do we let our children out of our sight for a moment?  Why does he wait so long to answer when we do need him right away?  Why does he perform a miracle to cause a non-believer to all the sudden believe but not do this for another?  He doesn’t give us more than we can handle?  What about the person who just committed suicide because she just couldn’t take it any longer?

At times, I’ve felt God turned his back on me.  I know deep down in my heart that it’s not true.  He’d never do that.  Even though I can be filled with bitterness, anger, resentment and blame and even scream out at him with what can be a trash mouth at times, he does not and will never turn his back on me.  I have found great comfort in this.  At other times, I feel the need to turn my back on him.  Yes, I said it.  I feel a bit of guilt admitting this but I’m just being real.  How many of you have felt the same?  And I consider myself a Christian.  I am a Christian.  I am also human and filled with human emotion and feel the need to express myself to God and to Jesus.  I know they understand my heart so I feel a little less guilt for being real.  God appreciates authenticity more than fake respect/reverence.

No, I’ve not read all of the Bible, yet, but I’m working on it.  I also know the devil can tempt you to do bad things and maybe it’s the devil tempting me to question God.  But maybe it’s also my humanness to question.

Don’t you question?

What do you believe?

How do you deal with all the struggles of daily living and all the evil that’s in the world, just outside your front door?

How do you deal with not knowing?  Not understanding?

How has your faith been tested?

And how do you stay faithful?

Do you believe it’s sinful to question God?



(Photo courtesy of

Do You Race to the Top or Enjoy the Journey?

“I am convinced that the jealous, the angry, the bitter and the egotistical are the first to race to the top of mountains.  A confident person enjoys the journey, the people they meet along the way and sees life not as a competition.  They reach the summit last because they know God isn’t at the top waiting for them.  He is down below helping his followers to understand that the view is glorious where ever you stand.”

― Shannon L. Alder


Do you race to the top of the mountain as fast as you can?  Or do you take your time and enjoy the journey and people you meet along the way?  Or are you stagnant, unable to get anywhere, perhaps frozen in fear of people and/or moving ahead in your life?

Are You Thankful or Are You Angry?

Colors and Light

Wow, I was so stinkin’ angry at God.  I yelled at him.  I cried.  I cursed.  I ignored him, because I felt he was ignoring me.  I told him, “You turned your back on me, so I’m doing the same to you.”  Then, I cried some more.

I prayed.  I asked for help.  I asked for more faith.  I asked for God to take away my fear, my doubt, my stress and worry.  All I could see was my loss, what I didn’t have.  I was more focused on what I needed and I was so desperate in that need that I could not see all that I did have, everything I should have been thanking God for.  But when you are in the midst of depression, despair, anger, bitterness, worry and fear, you can’t see the good stuff.  All you can see is darkness.  You can’t find much, if any light.  I’m so thankful for that sparklette of light I had that was holding me from going any deeper.

I kept praying constantly, after I gave in to ignoring God.  I kept praying for more faith than fear.  I knew I needed more faith than anything.  It took days.  It took weeks.  Sure, I’d go through anger again, crying, depression, doubt, but I kept praying and asking for more faith over fear.  A month went by.  More.  Then, something cool happened.

This peace come over me.  This peace made me feel like everything was going to be ok.  I felt like I handed over my anger and fear and doubt to God, finally.  I told him to take it from me, and to replace it with faith.  I knew more than anything I needed faith and patience.  Patience is a lesson I’ve never quite grabbed onto.  In fact, I downright suck at it.  This day came upon me and I woke up glad.  I started to think, “I have so much to be thankful for.  I am healthy.  My family is healthy.   I have the most awesome daughter in the entire world.  I have the most wonderful mother.  I have a home.  I have a car that runs.  Hallie goes to a great school.”  I kept on thinking of so many things I could be thankful for.

Then, I started to think what my loved ones must be going through.  I’ve been so focused on me and my selfish thoughts, poor me, my poor life …  What about them?

I’m sure Mama misses Daddy more than anyone and anything.  They were soul mates.  They had such a great love for each other.  Her heart must ache more during the holidays.  Daddy’s been watching over us from Heaven for 11 years now.  And Hallie?  I know how scared she must be with her knee surgery coming up after Christmas.  She’s so fearful, anxious and nervous.  I’ve been so selfish!  And my best friend, Jennefer, with her oldest off at college, and so many other friends who have needs and trials and I’ve been over here thinking “poor me.”  A friend told me once, “It ain’t all about you.”  One of the best things I ever heard.

I just wanted to take this time, here at Thanksgiving, to ask you – Are you thankful or are you angry?  There really isn’t enough room in your heart for both.  You just make up your mind to be one or the other, depending on where you choose to place focus.  You can sit around and have a pity party like I did, or you can write down every little thing and person and place that you are thankful for and then — well … you can be thankful.  I can nearly bet that you have more things to be thankful for in your life than things to be angry about.  And thankfulness is such a much better feeling to hold in your heart than anger and depression.

I want to take this time to say thank you, God and thank you, Jesus, for all you have given to us — more good things than we will ever deserve.  Please forgive us for our selfishness, for our anger, bitterness, depression and doubt.  All we have to do is let it go and give it to you, pray constantly, try to have faith, and wait on you, because it’s all in your time, not ours.  Thank you for all your many blessings.  Though we may not always see it, our cups runneth over.  I love you soooo much!