Contemplating Decisions in Writing

Here I go again.

I’ve reached the point of being about 96% finished with this YA fantasy/fiction book 1 of 3 or 4. A lot to still work out and I’ve been questioning myself about this book and another. I keep going back and forth. I don’t know if it’s resistance to finishing what I’ve almost finished. I don’t know if it’s because I’m already revising while I’m writing which always messes me up. I don’t know if it’s because this other book may be needed more – a book on living a better life, the many ways we can heal ourselves from the wounds we seem to inflict upon ourselves for no good reason, because we haven’t learned to love ourselves – and how to love ourselves and STOP self-sabotage. I know I could write it well as I’m a lifelong sufferer of depression and self-sabotage and am just getting the point of loving myself – truly liking and loving myself. Better late than never.

I look at the world and I see all these attacks on people and I have to sit and cry. I actually try to steer clear of the news because I fall into this sickness, a deep depression, because these killers are insane and need help and these poor innocent victims – I just can’t begin to imagine the pain they suffer – the ones who actually live through these horrific tragedies.

I ask myself why does the world need another book of YA fiction. How does this help the world? How does this serve anyone? I mean, honestly, the book or books I write are for you. So what would serve you the most? Do you really need just another book that’s fantasy (a means of escaping reality) or do you need healing? Do you need to learn to love yourself and enjoy life more and on a deeper level? Do you need to learn how to forgive and find ways of serving others? Do you need to see life differently, in a more positive light, to find the good in yourself and in others? Do you need tools and examples and truths and steps how you can master your life and overcome all your self-defeating obstacles? I ask you. You, readers, what would benefit you the most?

I’ve been praying and praying and asking for a sign which way I should go. I’m trying to listen and haven’t received anything yet, one way more than another. I don’t know if it’s wrong to ask for a sign but guidance is a sign, right? Lord, show me guidance, PLEASE?! Soooo confused…

This is not about asking you what I should do. This is about asking you what you would rather read – what would serve you the most.

Please comment me letting me know which you’d rather read, which would serve you the most and why, or simply participate in the poll if you don’t have time to leave a comment.

Searching For Her Beloved

She walked tirelessly

Until her feet bled

And then, she walked on

Ignoring the pain

She held on to the faith

She’d find her beloved

That belief is what sustained her

Through her hunger

Through her restlessness

Through the welcomed setting sun

As she knew with nightfall

She’d finally find rest

If only for a moment

Until the sun rose the next

__________

This is actually a line I just wrote today from my novel.  Listening to Earth Shadow by Deuter, I felt it sounded more like poetry than perhaps a line so felt the need to share.  If you are a writer reading this, always be on the lookout for inspirational music to play in the background, something new to you, something different.  You never know with what you may find your inspiration, no matter how blocked you think you may be at a given time.  Usually, I prefer to write in silence.  Sometimes, you have to change things up a bit.  Happy writing and/or creating and may inspiration and creativity flow to you, through you and onto whatever you choose as your canvas.

Camp Nano April 2014

2014-Participant-Facebook-CoverMy apologies for missing so many days from my Reading the Bible in 365 Days and Bible study/blog.  I am planning to return either today or tomorrow.  Trying to finish up some work before I start a new chapter in my life.  Also, (and yes, I’m probably biting off a bit more than I can chew but now that’s not different from any other day is it?) I am joining in on this upcoming Camp Nanowrimo.

The first camp nano of the year begins April 1 and I have been completely missing my creative outlet.  I’ve been too busy working on everyone else’s projects but no time to work on my own since October or November, so on April 1, it will be back to me time.  Yay!  I don’t usually appreciate missing sleep but when it comes to something I’m excited about, it’s not a problem for me to get up at 3am or even 2:00 to start writing (are you like that?), coffee pumping intravenously and a granola bar on stand by.  So, it’s so great to have a couple of things in the works to be excited about!

I had been working on 2 different novels back in October/November:  1) my series – books 1 and 2 (sci-fi/fantasy/adventure) filled with a mixture of nonmagic folk, a magical realm, witches, vampires, a girl with unfathomable powers and unknown to her until a tragic series of events occur and the veil is torn between the magic and nonmagic worlds; and 2) a book on depression and God.

I had been drawn for months toward the nonfiction novel on depression and God but the more I talk to people about both, I’ve decided people are still not ready to deal with their depression.  They don’t want to honestly discuss it, like it’s taboo or something — at least the majority; some seem to think if they ignore it, it will go away; they certainly don’t want to read about it and many that are deeply depressed (as we all FEEL on different levels) don’t want to read about God.  Those people who say they do not suffer from depression but have people in their lives that do suffer — well, they try to just avoid those people altogether or deal with them if they don’t have a choice but are not that interested in reading to understand something that they feel might depress them.  I sense some underlying depression issues right there.  They don’t want to understand it.  So, I suppose until I figure I have a potentially larger readership for that particular novel, I will sit that on the back burner and work on the one that many have expressed more of an interest in.  It seems just about everyone I talk to has an interest in reading books comprised of magical/fantastical components; adventure; mystery/intrigue/suspense; tragedy, etc., so my fantasy series is the better option for now.

Camp Nano runs April 1 through 30.  I currently have over 51,000 words on book 1 and I’ve moved several chapters to book 2 but mostly, that’s just copied and pasted gobbledy goo.  I’m needing to revise book 1 and add 10,000-20,000 words to finish, I believe, or somewhere in there.  My goal is to spend Apr 1 & 2 revising and days 3-30 adding 10,000 plus words during camp and hopefully finishing book 1.  Then, May 1, begin the processes of revising again and again, polish, employ my beta readers while organizing my query letters and choosing which houses to submit to, consider opinions from betas, perhaps revise again, then submit queries and ultimately, publish.

What book would you find more interest in?

Are you participating in Camp Nano during April or maybe July?  If so, I hope to see you there.  Perhaps we can chat by the campfire with our s’mores and tell ghost stories.  😉  It’s not too late to join.  You can join anytime during the month of April by clicking here.

Drop me a comment.  I’d love to chat with you.